I have changed. I have transfigured, actually, but in a bad way. I may seem gentle to people at present, but I was far more kind and polite in the past. Change is inevitable, I know that. But the change which I find in myself is weird.
I was a silent boy who was far away from any form of nuisance. I was the first one to lend a helping hand. I used to talk less, talk sense. Now I speak unnecessarily. Now, I have become selfish. I think before helping anyone, a thing which lacked in me before.
This change is an imperil for me. It is destroying me from inside. I want to change again, be like what I was a few years back, but I'm bewildered whether I will be able to regain my tenderness, my sweetness.
People think I am a very good person. If they really mean that, then of this I am sure: I was the best of me in the past and I want to relieve like that now. I miss those days when everyone around me seemed to be nice, everything seemed to be fine. I have become arrogant now, I hate this thing, I hate myself for this.
Envy was a word which I had never heard of. But, at present, I envy almost everyday, of other's possessions. Mostly, I envy that they have a girl, but I am alone. They Admire each other. They love each other. They talk, they laugh, they smile. I am happy for them because they are my friends. I know that their relationship is not a perfect one, many will not be able to hold on for long, but, still, there is a part of me which has a longing for a girl. I want to overcome that. But a girl makes your day adorable, makes you feel special and alive. She cares for you, fights with you, argues with you, makes you a complete person and it is so amazing.
I had a girl who used to make me feel special but that lasted for just a few days, or a few moments. She broke me, shattered me from all sides, hurt me in every way possible. It was horrible. It was the fourth time, when she broke me, that I realised I was just a mere moment in her life; nothing more. I realised that girls and relationships are not a good combination.
I tried to move on, taking this thought into consideration. Now I'm completely out of her spell, but now when I see my friends with their love, I feel that I need someone too. I am being selfish again.
The worst part is that I want someone who is like me, thinks like me. Someone who understands what a real relationship means. Someone who can play the part of "Juliet" for me. Someone who has the strength to love me till eternity. I know I can rarely get a girl like that so, I am not on a hunt. If fate has it for me, I will find her, maybe few years later. Maybe she will be my wife.
I have changed. I don't know how to change this "change", how to be good again. Yes, I am trying, and I am trying to my fullest. I will be a good person, a recurring helper, a steady listener, a supportive advisor, a realistic entrepreneur (will take risks) , a sincere student, a thoughtful guy, a true friend, a faithful lover.
I am on my way to change myself and the images which I see in front are totally blurred. I need to wash them, clear a path and then I will traverse. I am on my way to get perfect. And I just wish, I can only wish, that I find the true person in me sooner or later.
I was a silent boy who was far away from any form of nuisance. I was the first one to lend a helping hand. I used to talk less, talk sense. Now I speak unnecessarily. Now, I have become selfish. I think before helping anyone, a thing which lacked in me before.
This change is an imperil for me. It is destroying me from inside. I want to change again, be like what I was a few years back, but I'm bewildered whether I will be able to regain my tenderness, my sweetness.
People think I am a very good person. If they really mean that, then of this I am sure: I was the best of me in the past and I want to relieve like that now. I miss those days when everyone around me seemed to be nice, everything seemed to be fine. I have become arrogant now, I hate this thing, I hate myself for this.
Envy was a word which I had never heard of. But, at present, I envy almost everyday, of other's possessions. Mostly, I envy that they have a girl, but I am alone. They Admire each other. They love each other. They talk, they laugh, they smile. I am happy for them because they are my friends. I know that their relationship is not a perfect one, many will not be able to hold on for long, but, still, there is a part of me which has a longing for a girl. I want to overcome that. But a girl makes your day adorable, makes you feel special and alive. She cares for you, fights with you, argues with you, makes you a complete person and it is so amazing.
I had a girl who used to make me feel special but that lasted for just a few days, or a few moments. She broke me, shattered me from all sides, hurt me in every way possible. It was horrible. It was the fourth time, when she broke me, that I realised I was just a mere moment in her life; nothing more. I realised that girls and relationships are not a good combination.
I tried to move on, taking this thought into consideration. Now I'm completely out of her spell, but now when I see my friends with their love, I feel that I need someone too. I am being selfish again.
The worst part is that I want someone who is like me, thinks like me. Someone who understands what a real relationship means. Someone who can play the part of "Juliet" for me. Someone who has the strength to love me till eternity. I know I can rarely get a girl like that so, I am not on a hunt. If fate has it for me, I will find her, maybe few years later. Maybe she will be my wife.
I have changed. I don't know how to change this "change", how to be good again. Yes, I am trying, and I am trying to my fullest. I will be a good person, a recurring helper, a steady listener, a supportive advisor, a realistic entrepreneur (will take risks) , a sincere student, a thoughtful guy, a true friend, a faithful lover.
I am on my way to change myself and the images which I see in front are totally blurred. I need to wash them, clear a path and then I will traverse. I am on my way to get perfect. And I just wish, I can only wish, that I find the true person in me sooner or later.
Well, change is inevitable like you said. Talking about selfishness, that everyone is. Even you were selfish, always. You just never noticed. Or maybe you weren't selfish and maybe I don't know you or human nature. But you're just growing up, noticing your flaws, trying to change it. But if you were really that selfless as you claim to be you still can change it, if you want to. But the way you are right now is because of circumstances. You know the world is cruel but you are refusing to accept it. Know what? There are people out there waiting for you to lend a hand so that they can pull you down with them because they can never get up. So its better for you to try and not be selfless than you already are.Just an opinion,its your life after all. Sometimes no matter how good you are, the world just wants to step on you.
ReplyDeleteAnd about girls and relationships, well you just have to wait. Patience is a virtue. Just an advice but if you ever find a girl interesting NEVER expect anything in return. If she likes you she'll come to you.
And I'm really sorry if you just wrote this because you wanted to and it doesn't mean anything then I'm really sorry for being so serious as to write a comment this long. Forgive me for wasting your time, Mr Dracula.
^_^