Where do I belong?

Where do I belong?

The time has long gone by.

I am isolated, sitting here;

Hoping that I will get some company

Darkness is all around me.

I’m hoping a light to appear

Which will lead me out.

This place is very dreadful.

But, then, how did I end up here?

Why am I caged here so lifelessly?

I neither feel hungry nor thirsty.

I just want to escape, as fast as possible.

The last thing I remember:

I was holding your hands

And we were lying on the grass.

And then I closed my eyes.

I open my eyes and find you

Looking deeply in me.

You look so fascinating.

And then your smile- It’s breathtaking.

Now I realise, it is beside you

Where I belong, where I stay.

It was you whom I missed.

It is you who is my light of freedom.

I realise that I cannot live without you,

Even when I am dreaming deeply.

I need you with me every time, every second.

Keep holding my hands and I promise to stay forever.

Again!

Here I am, walking on a deserted boulevard.
My mind is trying hard to eradicate something.
Something that has happened again, it’s absurd.
I look around; there are empty houses, empty road, lifeless objects.

I’m pressing my skull tightly, the thing is spreading all over.
Ah! Please get out of my mind, I cannot hold you.
The trees are still but the leaves are swaying.
I’m getting unconscious, I’m losing my rigidity.

‘Hey, what happened? You look weak.’, says she.
How come she is here? How did she find me?
‘I’m all right, please go away.’ I say.
I want her to vanish, in a blitz.

She is confused, her face shows it.
Why does not she leave me alone?
But I cannot move my eyes off her clawless face.
She is so innocent, and I’m treating her like a bad spirit.

I want her to stop staring at me.
I don’t want her care, her love.
‘Cause I fear that I will break again;
This time in so many pieces that can never resurrect.

She is unaware of my tragic past.
That past haunts me till now.
How could I ever think of letting someone in again?
I could I fall for her, fall in love again?

My head is paining severely and my heart hurts, too.
She is all over me now, I’m totally unconscious.
I know this is a bad dream, but reality is no good.
I want her to get out of my veins, my head, my heart.

She is still standing there, reading to give her love.
‘Please get out from here, just get lost!’, I say.
What! No! Don’t let those sparkling drops fall.
Just understand me and go away, don’t weep.

I am not meant to love anyone now, I don’t deserve it.
‘Cause the sins that impure me are countless.
She has now turned back, walking away.
Yes, I want her to leave me deserted.

My head hurts, I wake up, tears are all over my face.
I’ve made a tough decision, I let her go.
She will be happy alone or with someone else.
And I don’t want to fall in love, that is my fate.

I sit under a green tree and think

I sit under a green tree and think,

She must be somewhere similar, sitting down.

I am missing her and her company badly.

The path below me is a peril, I cannot go down.

I wish I was with her, talking;

Knowing every secret and the stories she hides.

But destiny does not want this.

I am okay with its decision, but still I miss her eyes.

The sun is shining brightly, and the heat is hurting my legs.

I wonder if she feels the same pain.

The trees with brown fractured barks are standing erect.

I think her memory inside me is never going to drain.

Whenever I close my eyes, I see her smiling face.

I feel so good, but knowing that she can never be mine, I open my eyes.

I feel so lonely like a desert.

Now I look at the clouds, and imagine her goodbyes.

My mind is scribbling her name, her everything.

I want it to stop but it’s beyond my control.

For now my heart is controlling my mind.

My heart wants her heart, that’s its only goal.

I tell my heart to end this projection.

I tell it that I will try to fetch her heart.

I have made my decision so blindly.

Now my heart has stopped his madness, hoping to see her heart.

Mine And Yours

The words will be mine,

The sense will be mine too.

Filling in the deserted,

I will give meaning to everything in you.

The day wll be yours,

The warmth will be yours too.

Eradicating the distance between us,

In my arms, there will only be you.

The verse will be mine,

The rhythm will be mine too.

Creating a heaven between us,

The blushing will be you.

The touch will be yours,

The impact will be yours too.

Getting splendid in my presence,

The person in front will only be you.

The night will be mine,

The romance will be mine too.

Making love with my eternal love,

The person in my soul will just be you.

The Hills Have Eyes!

I am on my bed and I hear a sound.

It has come from far, maybe from the ground.

I sit up- scared- thinking what to do.

It is cold, but I climb down and put on my shoe.

I open the door and climb down the stairs.

I hear the windows rattle, it scares all my layers.

My moment stops, my heart beats rapidly.

Though I am a coward, I want to know the reality.

I hear the sound again. I have decided to find the source.

My body is sweating; sweat oozing out from all my pores.

Everything is quiet again. Now it's just my feet banging the wooden floor.

Something catch my ears! Oh! It's just a dog's snore.

Now I am out of my home, and it's very cold.

The full moon is shining brightly and the stars are bold.

Ah! I hear it again, it has come from miles away.

The hills have eyes! They are staring in my way.

I look at the hills carefully and I see huge bulgy eyes.

Suddenly there is a noise; it's a hyena's cries.

I am stiff, I need aid, but I am all alone.

I am walking toward the hills, my home has long back gone.

I can sense the evil, but there is a warrior inside me.

What! I can see the hills blinking, looking at me!

Is this a hallucination, or is it real?

My vision gets blurred and nothing can I feel.

The trees around me have vanished, there's only grass.

The wind blows harder and it sounds like a rhythmic bass.

The hills have eyes, and I can not believe it.

There is no source of light now, and the darkness is neat.

I look up at the sky. It has turned pitch black.

This is the sign of demon; I take a step back.

There are thousands of questions in my mind, and I am bewildered.

I can see the demon now. This is totally absurd.

He is walking so perfectly, approaching me.

Hey! Wait! Where am I? This is not meant to be.

Now he is at an inch apart from my position.

He is reading my mind, now he is showing some projection.

I can see death, then what? That is me in the woods.

There are many demons around me, taking off their hoods.

The hills have eyes, I remember them, and everything vanishes.

Oh my holy spirit! where am I? I get up and my body shakes.

It was just a dream, but a rare one.

It was so haunting, a bare one.

I am relieved that it was just an imagination.

The hills have eyes! I can not forget them; they are my salvation.  

I want to fly!

I am a bird. So what? Don't I have the right to be free? I see my co-mates, who are like me, flying under the deep blue sky which is so mesmerising. I feel so charmed but when that spell breaks, I get disillusioned thinking that I can never gain that place, that sheer freedom. I want to fly!
    Was I born in a cage? If not then why am I in this unpleasant state? Why am I stuck here inside these thin metal bars? Don't my soul have an essence? I can breathe freely but still it feels like I am suffocating, I am starving. Why is it so?
    There are humans moving all around here and there but they just don't care. I have heard that they are the most superior animals in the world. They have many capabilities that we don't possess. If that is true, then why do they ignore me? They just look at me and go away. They only see the beauty that lies on my outer part. They never try to penetrate in and look at my soul. They never look deep in my eyes. They never look at my sorrow, my struggle for freedom. Nature sent me here as a free being. Birds are the symbol of freedom. Then why am I here in a cage?
    In another cage, there are two rabbits which are white in colour. They are very good and beautiful but they ended up in this cage which is similar to mine but larger. They said me once their story of how did the man( who has kept us in this dreadful cage) caught them and stubbed them inside this lifeless and haunting cage. Their children lay there yelling at them to come back, but it was all in vain. I wonder whether they survived without their mother and father or not.
    I felt so bad but I could not help for all I am but a mere bird who is weak, fragile. I can not harm a small creature, how can I break a cage and set them free? I am so impotent that I can just move around this unbreakable cage. Why am I so weak?
    I can see a boy looking at me. He is some few feet away. He has eyes of a faint colour. Faint brown eyes, I am now sure of it. He is looking at me. Wait! Is he looking at my eyes? Yes, he is. I cannot budge my eyes from him. It is as if he is not looking at my eyes; it seems he is looking in me, inside my eyes. Yes, yes, he is. I am delighted that at least someone is there who at least (I think; I am not sure) can see a bit of my suffering. He seems to have been driven by a spell. I am too in a kind of spell, I can't look off him. Is mother nature trying to connect us? If yes, then please, my creator, tell that boy to come and take me away from this heartless man, the other cruel humans, away from my sorrows.
    I am now rolling inside the cage, beating my limbs against the metal. Now I am striking my beak against the gaps of the cage. I want to show him that I want to be free. I want freedom. I want to fly! I want to show him my flaws, show him that the only thing that can turn me sane is freedom. I want to live. I am dying here.
    What? Wait, wait! Please don't go. No, oh my creator, oh my mentor, my god, please tell him to take me away. Tell him to come to me and give me freedom.
    But, to my worse, he is just walking away. Was it just an imagination, or he really looked in me? Did he really see how mad I am to come out? Did he really notice my lamentations? No, he didn't. Otherwise why would he ignore and walk away? I have realised now. All humans are cruel. They are evil. No one has a soft heart. This boy has increased my lamentation. He just has made me more  mad for freedom. I want to die, I want my heart to stop beating right now! But I can't. I beg you my lord, kill me! Or just do one thing. Never make me a human being in my next life. Rather, make me a fragile creature which can never be caged or which has a short, very short life span.
    For all I want to be is independent, I want to smell every part of mother nature: trees, leaves, shrubs, flowers, sand, clay and most of all, freedom. I want to smell freedom, for all I wish, I wish to fly!



Afterwords:

I was standing on the road when I saw this bird which was caged. A man was selling it. It was a parrot, I guess. I just stared at it for almost 5 minutes. It did never look at me but I could imagine its lust for freedom. It was rolling inside the cage, taking rounds and the cage was shivering. It seemed that even the lifeless cage wanted to break apart so that it could let the bird attain freedom. I felt very bad looking at the bird. But, honestly, I didn't have a penny at that time to buy that bird and set it free. It would have felt so good to see that bird flying. Why would bird have wings for? They are born to fly, But, sometimes, I think that even if I had money that time, would I have bought that bird and set it free? Maybe not. So, I realised that somewhere inside me, even I am equally selfish like other humans. I cannot change the world myself. I feel low thinking about the bird and I will never forget it. Its lust. And, I promise, the next time I see a bird struggling in a cage, I will try my best to get it out of there. 'Cause I would like to be the ranger who help others, and helping animals will be equally good as helping humans. I am just waiting for the next chance. :) 

Me and My Heart!

Me: Hey!

My Heart: Wait up there dude! I can’t hear you. Can’t you see I’m doing my errand.    Damn, you have so much blood in you.

Me: I just said “Hey”. Dork! Can’t you slow down for a minute? Okay wait I’ll lie down. You’ll have to pump less. Actually I need to talk to you.

My Heart: I can’t hear you properly. What did you just say? Could you repeat it?

Me: (Loudly) I said I wanted to talk to you. It’s urgent. Damn! Stop beating for sometime.

My Heart: You’ll die if I stop beating.

Me: Don’t eat up my head. Just slow down your motion. I’m lying now. I’ll manage to remain conscious. I really need to talk!

[My heart beats slowly now. Almost 33 beats per minute]

My Heart: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah! Now listen to me. Something has happened to me. Something weird. Did you hear that?

[I try to budge my ear in the direction of the source of the sound]

My Heart: Are you insane? Don’t you know I don’t have ears? I can just hear your inner voice, nothing else. Duffer, when will your brain grow, I wonder?

Me: Okay, stop it now. I’m sorry I forgot that. So, how are you?

My Heart: Is that the urgent thing you wanted to talk? Well, I can never be fine, unless I stop beating.

Me: Ha, ha, okay, the matter is very serious. And if I don’t share it with you and investigate, then it’ll get too late and the disaster will occur.

My Heart: Yeah, speak up. I’m listening. (To a muscle) Hey, you! Can’t you try to pump at a constant rate? You all are so lazy and I’m totally fed up! please, don’t try to test my temper or you will suffer severely.

[I feel a bit dizzy. I think the beat rate has descended more]

Me: Hey, increase the beat rate. I’m not feeling well. Make it at least 50 beats a minute. I’ll try to speak louder.

[My heart, now, is beating a bit quickly. Ah! Now I feel good]

My Heart: Are you good now?

Me: Yeah, it’s better now.

My Heart: Now let’s jump to the point. What’s the matter?

Me: The sound which I heard now, it was the sound of her footsteps and…

My Heart: (Interrupting me) Her?

Me: Yeah, that girl. Since few days, whenever I see her, something happens inside me. It is as if there is a solid lump in between my lungs and stomach. And, whenever I see her, or hear about her, or hear her speaking, that lump grows stronger and bigger and then you start beating very fast and that lump hurts me in a different way and I start feeling dizzy and then her face flashes in my head and I can’t concentrate on any task. Dude, I’m screwed.

My Heart: Oh my holy spirit! What the hell has happened to you? Who is this girl? Tell her damn name. And please, please, I beg you, don’t say that you have fallen in love again. The scars that that previous girl left in me has affected me so harshly. I was about to stop beating when she broke us up for the last time. It was just so worse. I didn’t know why you were so mad in love with her even when she broke us. Why did you go back to her again and again? At least, eventually, you left thinking about her and eradicated her every part from inside you. But, you know, memories never die. Sometimes, I too get emotional. I wonder if you sense it.

Me: Leave about her. Whatever happened, had to happen. It was inevitable. At least I learned a lesson. And this new girl, her name is Taylor. She is my friend. But I didn’t know this will happen. I don’t expect anything from her. For her, I’m her friend, just a simple one. And, I promise, I’ll never take this level to a higher state. Never! She is good, but still, I don’t trust girls with relationships. I think I’ll let her go. Now, I’ll control our talks and will be in my limits.

My Heart: Yup, that’s best for both of us. And yes, I had been feeling that something was going wrong with you but, you know, how much I’ve to work. I’m working without stopping for even a second. The last time we had a talk, it was long back. Since then, I’m just struggling to keep you alive. And better just remain friends and if you can’t control, then just stop talking to her and remove her from everything. I can’t see you broken again. And love breaks heart. It’s me who suffers the most damage. My hectic life turns into hell more hectic. It has taken almost a year to ease the pain of the scars that I bear. But the words will never get erased. They’ll never die.

Me: Yeah, you suffered a lot. I can never forget that. Okay, I just wanted to make sure whether it’s an attraction or love. And you know how to test that, don’t you?

My Heart: Yep, I do. Wait, let me check the “Love” room. The guitar placed inside was once strummed and the sound was so melodic. But that didn’t exist for long. It turned into a ghastly sound and the strings got poisoned. But I’ve mend it. They’re fine now. Safe in me.

[Heart goes inside the room. It hears a very melodic sound and it hits every atom of the room, making the walls of the room vibrate with it. The scene is very amazing but it’s a sign of love! And that is worse]

Me: Dude, why are you taking so long? Is the guitar even there?

[My heart is surprised. It is fearing with the very sound which is so soft, silky and is ringing as if it is the best tune in the world. I’m astonished! I want my heart to speak. I want it to tell me the consequence. Am I in love again? Or is it just infatuation? I want to know. I’m anxious]

My Heart: Listen to me carefully. From now on, yeah, from this very moment you are never going to see her. You’ll not talk to her. You’ll not go near her. You’ll stop thinking about her. You’re not going to let her dwell in any part of you ‘cause if this time I’ll break, I will stop beating and you will get demised. I can’t suffer again. I can’t dance on the tunes of another girl and I can’t share myself with her heart. Please, for my sake, for your very heart’s sake, leave her alone. Let me be alone. Well, you can just let her go. Maybe that is better idea than to entangle with her. What if you break her heart this time? Dude, think, think thoroughly. This is a serious drama. You better get out of it. Now I am going. Think a thousand times before making the next move. Save yourself from disaster and save me too. I gotta go, see you.

[My heart goes back to its work and now its beating at a normal rate]

So, what’s the conclusion? To let you go and let you be happy or try to cage you to me? I’m bewildered. I don’t know when did you strum the guitar of my heart. How did you do it? Is your voice so magical? Are your moves so flawless? Well, whatever, I’m not going to hurt me; and more importantly, I don’t want my delicate heart to be a victim and feel the pain and the hostility again.

So my dear friend, you are free from me. Now I am going to throw that guitar. No guitar, no strumming, no melody, eventually, no love.

This time I am neglecting my mind and am listening to my heart. And, I don’t want to die too.

So, you, that beautiful creation of the ever glowing and immortal nature, stay happy. ‘Cause I’m happy with your euphoria. I don’t want to be selfish. Not this time!